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Apple Pancakes, Whipped Goat Cheese & Streusel

Servings 4 humans

Ingredients

Apple Pancake Batter

  • LOTS of apples not sure how many...
  • SOME oatmeal turned oatflower forget how much...
  • MORE oatmeal...just regular mix until it looks right?
  • 1 tbsp baking powder
  • 2 eggs

Whipped Goat Cheese

  • no idea how much goat cheese
  • ask Thomas how much whipped cream he used

Caramel Sauce

  • sugar?
  • butter?
  • heavy whipping cream?

Stresel

  • SOME brown sugar
  • EVEN MORE oatmeal
  • COLD butter...grated on microplane

Bacon

  • 1 package piggie strips

Beverage Pairing

  • 16 oz. Shacksbury Cider Vermonter gin barrel-aged cider
  • 750 ml Funk Factory Cherry Meertz mama was thirsty

Music Pairing

  • Me whining about cramps in surround sound

Instructions

Pancake Batter

  1. PEEL A MILLION TINY APPLES, then put them in a food processor until the consistency of a slightly lumpy apple sauce.

  2. Pop some oatmeal into your foot processor (typo and it stays) and pulverize it until flour-like. Add it to the bowl of apple sludge and toss some more un-pulverized oatmeal in for good measure.

  3. Mix together until you get a nice, thick consistency. There's no magic ratio as far as I remember, just work your magic and try to live through the cramps.

  4. Add eggs and baking powder and mix until blended. Set aside cus that shit done.

Whipped Goat Cheese

  1. I have no idea how Thomas made this.

  2. Get a stand mixer or something to mix with. Put goat cheese in a bowl. Put whipped cream in a bowl. Mix until combined, ya hoser.

Caramel Sauce

  1. I have no idea how Thomas made this.

  2. Get a pan/pot hot and add sugar, butter and heavy cream until you get sauce?

  3. STIR FOREVER OR IT WILL SEIZE. MAYBE.

  4. WTF am I, a caramel wizard? Willy Wonka? You know how to make caramel sauce.

Streusel

  1. Bowl. Brown sugar, oatmeal, cold grated butter. Mix. Fuck Yeah.

Time to Execute

  1. After silently mixing ingredients and taking pictures, bark to everyone that you're ready to drop batter.

  2. Put batter in pan, add streusel and micromanage everyone's activities around pancakes.

  3. Flip pancakes after a few minutes once the bottom looks firm and it's cooked up the edges just a bit and let finish cooking.

  4. Bark at your girlfriend and friend that you're ready to plate so they better get their sweet as over to the table and start doing stuff so you can take pictures.

  5. Stack 'em up, release your caramel sauce upon their hot apple-y surface and top with a dollop of your whipped goat surprise.

  6. Sprinkle streusel seductively.

  7. Put some bacon on your plate, go outside to eat on a lovely back porch and bitch about the sun while you retreat to a shaded corner.

  8. Obsessively take pictures of other people eating.