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Blueberry Banana Oatmeal Pancakes

Prep Time 20 minutes
Cook Time 15 minutes
Resting 10 minutes
Total Time 35 minutes
Servings 1 human
Calories 410 kcal

Ingredients

Pancake Batter

  • 1 medium Banana (bruised to fuck)
  • some Blueberries
  • 1 tsp Baking Powder
  • 2 tbsp Quick oats
  • 1 Egg (beaten into a whipped frenzy)
  • 2 tbsp Quick oats processed into oat flour (if your batter's a little runnayyyy)

Peanut Butter Sauce

  • 1 plop Crunchy peanut butter
  • 1 tsp Vanilla extract
  • some Almond milk
  • some Sugar
  • some Cracked sea salt

Whatever

  • 1 bruised Peach (from a plastic shopping bag sitting in over-ripe peach juice)
  • some Sugar-free diabetic syrup

Beverage Pairing

  • 2 cups Sweet nectar of the gods (coffee)
  • 12 oz. Homebrew hard cider
  • several Key Lime LaCroix

TV Pairing

  • Season 2 Roseanne (before she went batshit fucking crazy)

Instructions

Pancake Batter

  1. Gently handle over-ripe banana, peel and put into a bowl before it fully liquidates or turns into compost. Mush it up by merely looking at it.

  2. Add blueberries that turn out to be actual rocks. Reconsider your physical fitness and tape wrists for joint stability while attempting to mush. Break out in sweat. Chug LaCroix. Add oatmeal and baking powder to bowl.

  3. Crack an egg in a separate bowl and whisk maniacally with a fork until you get dizzy. Add to bowl, stir and stare off into space.

  4. If your mixture is a bit on the moist side, add some flour or you can pulverize some oatmeal into oat flour (I did this) to help thicken it up to a desired consistency.

  5. LET IT SIT. Do something else...like get your pan nice and hot, ya turkey.

Peanut Butter Sauce

  1. Scoop some PB into a bowl, you don't need much. Probably a tablespoon? Consider binge eating the rest of the jar as a pre-pancake snack. Find inner-strength to resist. Chug LaCroix.

  2. Add the almond milk, vanilla, sugar and salt. Mix well.

Time to Execute

  1. Vigorously coat pan with butter-flavored PAM, drop batter in small doses. Wonder why you feel anxious after drinking two cups of coffee on an empty stomach.

  2. After a few minutes, flip dem bb cakes, get a second burner going on low heat. Google whether or not it's ok to put a stainless steel mixing bowl directly on a burner.

  3. Heat peanut butter sauce up just enough to drip off the spoon, take off heat and finish up pancakes.

  4. Stack 'em, coat 'em, bloob 'em, peach 'em, eat 'em.

  5. Consider, for a second time, eating remaining jar of peanut butter. Decide to save it as a drunken snack later that night. Congrats on being a responsible adult.