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Pancake Scones

Prep Time 15 minutes
Cook Time 20 minutes
Freezer Time 30 minutes
Total Time 1 hour 5 minutes
Servings 4 fail scones
Calories 300 kcal

Ingredients

Scone Batter

  • 163 grams Pancake Mix (I used Aretha Frankenstein?)
  • ??? All-purpose flour (to try (and fail) to fix mistakes in batter ratio)
  • 34 grams Sugar
  • 3/4 tsp Salt
  • 1/2 tsp Baking powder
  • 1/4 cup Cold butter
  • 1 Egg
  • 1 tsp Vanilla extract
  • 66 grams Buttermilk

Pre-Bake Wash

  • 1 tsp Buttermilk
  • 1 tsp Brown sugar

Sugar-Free Syrup Icing

  • 2 tbsp Sugar-free syrup (Hungry Jack all day, baby)
  • 1 tbsp Powdered sugar
  • Some Almond milk (ikd how much, just to even it out)

Beverage Pairing

  • 24 oz. Key Lime Pie La Croix
  • 24 oz. Coffee (Blueprint Coffee from St. Louis because it is AMAZING)

Music Pairing

  • 1 album Finger Printz - The Very Dab

Instructions

Pancake Scone Batter

  1. Combine your pancake mix, salt, sugar and baking powder into a bowl and somehow spill most of your mix all over the place

  2. Get your cold butter cut up, slice your finger open while doing so

  3. Bleed from finger

  4. Go get a bandaid you took from the HR lady's desk at work because you knew you were fresh out at home and realize this is a sign that you should just quit here because it's only going to get more disappointing from this point forward

  5. Add cold butter to dry ingredients and mix until it's mostly incorporated. There's supposed to be butter chunks, so just let the little bastards chill and do something else

  6. Add egg, milk and vanilla extract to a bowl and whisk together

  7. Combine wet and dry ingredients and mix until combined.

  8. Realize your "dough" looks nothing like scone dough and resembles actual pancake batter instead. Try to add some flour, realize it does nothing

  9. Scrape this garbage dough onto your sheet pan into something that resembles a circle. Brush some milk on top and sprinkle with brown sugar

  10. Try to cut this stupid blob into four separate pieces and separate. Realize they don't separate because it's not actual dough and is too wet. Say fuck it and stick it in the freezer to let the gluten rest anyway

  11. Move all of the bottles of booze in your freezer to make room for the pan. Consider making a gin and tonic for breakfast. Open second La Croix instead

  12. Pre-heat oven to 375 while the "dough" rests in the freezer for 30 minutes. Clean up the mess you made from simply putting things in bowls

  13. After 30 minutes of cleaning and entertaining your cat, pull the pan out of the freezer, brush tops with egg whites and pop them in the oven for 20 minutes

  14. Laugh out loud at how they're still wet, flat garbage discs on a pan. Come to an understanding that there is absolutely no way these will turn out

  15. Look up pictures of how scone dough is suppose to look before going in the oven. Understand it looks nothing like yours. Somehow still have optimism they might turn out. Make your stupid icing

Sugar-Free Syrup Icing

  1. In a small bowl, add syrup and powdered sugar and mix. I added a bit of almond milk to help smooth it out a bit. It doesn't really fucking matter you won't use it anyway

How to Deal with Failure

  1. Remove giant blob of what appear to be pancake cookies from oven and let cool. Cut into shapes that more closely resemble scones

  2. Start making something else for breakfast. In my case, it was a delightful egg and spinach sandwich on a bagel flat with some coffee

  3. Taste a "scone" and realize they taste great but aren't scones and place in garbage can.

  4. Just kidding, eat them all regardless.

  5. Also make and eat a breakfast sandwich and post failures publicly online